I had an argument with a friend about a week ago, who is now no longer a friend. Upon further reflection on the exchange between us, I noticed a few things.
- I was accused of being judgmental, but she was the only one doing the judging.
- I was accused of not having integrity, but she was the one spewing insults while I was trying to ease the tension and save the friendship.
- I was accused of “talking shit,” when she has a reputation for being a gossiper. Apparently it’s okay for her to rant to a friend, but when I do it, it’s “talking shit.”
- She kept pushing for a conversation, face-to-face, but she is the same person that jumped out of the car 7 years ago to avoid an argument. The same person who conveniently used a dying cell phone and a sick friend to get out of the conversation (Guess what? My phone was dying too). The same person in which no one has the heart to say anything remotely negative to, out of fear of an emotional breakdown.
This is the same person I once considered an extremely close friend; someone I confided in when I was sad, hurt and broken down. And unfortunately the same person who is willing to throw away 9 years of friendship without ever having the heart to even talk to me.
I have kept my mouth shut for a long time now and won’t get into here. Every bit of frustration I have felt in the past 9 years, I have kept to myself because I understand that friends get mad at each other and get frustrated with one another, but friends deal with it and work it out. What’s the point of having a face-to-face conversation when her choice was already made? At this point, I was already blocked online and given several reasons why she had to get off her phone and end our conversation.
The things that she said were hurtful. Not because they may or may not be true, but because they came from her. It showed how little she thought of me.
I realize that I am not the same person I was before. I was naive, giving, more open about who I was as a person. Not anymore. I am more guarded that I used to be and keep myself isolated out of fear of being hurt again. I hate it. But I am the way I am because of people like her.